I hate that I’m not the best at anything. I’m not even great at anything. I can’t win with anything in school. I do four subjects, two of those subjects there is only me and another person in the class, I thought I was good at those subjects, I was wrong. This evening whist doing my music composition, I realized how bad it was and how I hate music and how it makes me feel. Doing music a level makes me feel stupid because I just can’t do the work because I don’t have the brain for it. The other person in the class is a genius, so we spend the whole of the lesson discussing where I went wrong, why I was wrong, why all of my working was wrong, never his. He may be a genius but he still gets stuff wrong so I don’t understand why I am made to feel like I’m the only one that is always so fucking wrong. Every single time I get new homework, I try a bit harder, I think a bit more, and yet every single time there is exactly the same outcome and it makes me feel so shit about myself. I am so angry. I am going to self harm tonight in a desperate attempt to gain back some control over my life.
